Texas Cheerleading Teen Sluts

The other day, I was listening to OUTQ radio on Sirirus Satellite Radio much like I do pretty much every time I'm driving somewhere. For the most part, the shows on OUTQ are frivolous, annoying, and hosted by pompous jackasses who seem to believe that they are somehow qualified to give advice and dispense judgements about the lives of their sad-ass callers (seriously, I have to change the channel because I get so embarrassed for some of the losers who call into radio shows!). However, I greatly enjoy Frank DeCaro and Doria Biddle because they're very funny, and Michangelo Signorile, while at times repetitive and annoying, makes some interesting points and actually challenges some of the bullshit that others say. Anyway, I was listening to some show the other day and there were some rather disparaging remarks made about Texas, and it pissed me off.

I grew up in West Texas, Odessa of Friday Night Lights fame to be specific. I've lived in Austin for over thirteen years having moved back to Texas after a 3 1/2 year stint in New York City. Both sides of my family have long histories in Texas, even if my mom was unfortunate enough to have been born in Oklahoma. I have two degrees from the University of Texas. My mister (as Michael Stipe says) is from West Texas and has a family history in Texas. I am a full-blooded, native Texan and proud of it. I am also gay, highly educated, and liberal. Yes, we do exist, and we're not that rare of a breed.

Growing up, I was taught to be proud of being a Texan; being from Texas meant that you were fiercely independent, strong, friendly, and not afraid to stand up for what you believed in. I was taught that I should be proud to don my cowboy boots and western belt, that my accent was a sign of greatness. We are descendants of cowboys, farmers, and roughnecks who have survived tough times. Hell, we're the only single state that was once an independent nation.

My parents were teens when I was born, so I spent a great deal of time being raised by my paternal grandparents. My grandfather was skinny, gristly man with a constant tan from painting houses who always wore starched shirts and pants and smelled of an odd combination of men's hairspray (never a hair out of place), cigarettes, coffee, and housepaint. I remember that he slept outside in his white boxer shorts on many a long, hot summer night. My grandmother, who turned 91 in December, is a fairly conservative and religious woman (Baptist), yet she let me dress up in her shoes and makeup, make dresses out of old curtains, and filled the role as my assistant chef/stagehand/lab assistant/guinea pig. She taught me that I could do whatever I wanted in life and that there wasn't anything that could stop me from fulfilling my dreams. Apparently, I told her at the age of five that I was going to live in New York City when I grew up and drive a Mercedes (what ambition!) and I've done both (I drive a hand-me-down, gold 1984 Mercedes-Benz sedan). She's still conservative and religious and we don't agree on everything (we once had an entire lunch in complete silence following my suggestion that she could take her medications every day if there was socialized medicine instead of spacing them out to last longer because she couldn't afford to buy more!). I was taught to fear God and live by strict morals but to pursue my dreams and be true to myself - this later became more difficult than anticipated.

So, I'm proud to be from Texas, and it pisses me off when I hear people, especially jackasses from the East Coast and California who have never even visited, talk shit about my state and make fun of those of us who are proud to call it home. Screw you. Without Texas, the world wouldn't have had the late Ann Richards and Molly Ivins, the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders, great music, Tex-Mex, Farah Fawcett, Beyonce, (did I mention that I'm gay?), a chainsaw massacre, a ruling that sodomy laws are unconstitutional, and the list goes on. On the other hand, there are a few things about Texas that can make it hard to feel proud at times. George Bush and Tom Delay are a couple of the first things that come to mind. And when it comes to sex, well...

It's illegal to sell and own dildos in Texas (more on this later). Our legislators recently attempted to pass a law banning "sexy cheerleading" in high schools - did I mention the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders? When the state board of education adopted new health textbooks for high schools a few years ago, they refused to include information about contraceptives and adopted books that advised getting enough rest, hanging out with the right people, and attending pray groups as methods to prevent teen pregnancy! Yeah. What the fuck, right? The only reason that the sodomy laws were declared unconstitutional is because two men were arrested because they were having sex in a private residence (more on this later, as well). If you live in Texas, don't play with yourself, don't have sex until your married, and whatever you do, don't have sex with someone of the same gender!

Well, we were just as shocked as the rest of the nation a few weeks ago when our fearless leader, Gov. Rick Perry, who has been surrounded by rumors about his own sexuality for years, signed an executive order requiring all girls entering sixth grade to be vaccinated against HPV, which would prevent 99% of all cases of cervical cancer, much to the dismay of his own party. He was obviously possessed, why else would he so blatantly be promoting premarital, teen promiscuity? Turns out that Gov. Perry, like many of us, has had to deal with pain and loss associated with cancer in his own family and feels that any vaccine that can prevent cancer should be mandatory (and he's probably getting a kickback from the pharmaceutical company).

You have to understand that one of the strongest arguments that the abstinence-only nutcases have been able to throw around in support of their stance against teaching young people how to reduce their chances of getting an STD by using a condom or engaging in non-penetrative sex has been that HPV can be transmitted by skin-to-skin contact and causes cervical cancer - Sex outside of marriage will give you cancer and you will die. So, you can imagine how upset that they have become that their strongest argument can't hold water with the introduction of the HPV vaccine. It's been no surprise that they started screaming about how this vaccine would promote teen sex just as they did when emergency contraception was on the table to be made available over the counter (again, more on this later).

It's disgusting that anyone would think that it would be worse to prevent 99% of the cases of a particular cancer than have premarital sex. By the way, 95% of Americans report having premarital sex; this is the norm! I thought that things had gotten really bad until a certain Robert Morrow, a self-proclaimed grassroots activist here in Austin, took the stand at the State House earlier this week. He began his testimony by presenting an argument defending parents' rights and limiting government interference. Okay, maybe, but what about requiring other types of vaccinations? Plus this vaccine could PREVENT CANCER and save millions (billions?) in future health care. He then stated (this is for real, y'all!) that "the State of Texas should not be in the business of preventive healthcare for teenage sluts." Yes, he did. Sadly (or fortunately), he has completely exposed the entire religious right's, abstinence-only supporting beliefs on teen sex (and any premarital sex). If you get a disease, you deserve it.

Teenage girls who engage in sexual activity deserve to get cancer and die. Oh yeah, and AIDS. Fuck you, asshole.

You can't say SCROTUM!

The first entry of this blog, which has been a long time coming, was catalyzed by a recent article in the New York Times about the use of the word "scrotum" in the Newbery Award winning book, The Higher Power of Lucky, by Susan Patron. (You can read the article here: With One Word, Children’s Book Sets Off Uproar ) Apparently, several librarians and teachers are upset that this unthinkable word should appear in a book written for 9-12 year-olds. They are demanding that the book be banned; they say that they would not want to be in the position of having to explain "that word" to a fourth grade class. Did I mention that the scrotum of concern is attached to a dog and was apparently bitten by a rattlesnake? I know that there are a ton of you perverts out there who automatically become sexually excited when hearing about a dog getting bitten on his scrotum by a rattlesnake; I just didn't realize how many of you taught fourth grade or worked in elementary school libraries. Now that's a frightening thought!

Joking aside, I've been meaning to get a website/blog started for months and this little sack of crazy was just the thing to motivate me. I'm guessing that most of you who read this, at least in the beginning, are going to be folks who know me, mainly because I plan to forward the recently purchased URLs to my friends and family members who happen to be in my address book. However, it's possible that some of you may have wandered here by accident or were directed here by a well-meaning friend or acquaintance of mine, so I guess I should start this first entry by saying just a little bit about myself and why scrotums get me so worked up.

My name is Christopher White, but you can call me Chris, Christopher, Chrissy, Little Chris (my family called me this most of my childhood), Dr. White, your highness, lord, sir, mam, honey, or any other name that pops into your mind while reading my rants. I recently completed my Doctor of Philosophy (sounds fancy, huh?) in Health Promotion at the University of Texas at Austin, but if you ask one of my friends, they'll tell you that I have a PhD in sex. To a degree, that's true - I focused on sex education and adolescent sexual issues while working on my master's and phd, plus I hear I'm pretty good in bed - officially, however, it's in health promotion. (By the way, I'm looking for a job, so if you just happened across this and know of an awesome assistant professor position in a great city or a postdoc in adolescent health/sexuality or an executive position with a nongovernmental agency promoting sexual/reproductive rights or GLBT rights, please pass on the info.) I have many, many reasons for choosing sexual health as my main area of focus, but the biggest is because I am so horrified at the manner in which we teach our young people about sex. I have also been disturbed and frustrated by the lack of straightforward, nonjudgmental sexual advice and information that's available. Okay, I'll admit that I do enjoy reading Dan Savage, but not everyone deserves to be treated like a douchebag. The purpose of this blog is to rant (and you know I will) about the current state of sex education, to rave about the good stuff that is happening (there is some out there), and to answer questions from all who seek nonjudgmental, solid advice and information.

Now, back to the scrotum...The very idea that this word is inappropriate for any age and that it is not a proper word to be taught in elementary school is ridiculous and infuriating. As many of those who have posted on the NY Times website have noted, I doubt there are few nine or ten year-olds (male or female) who have never seen a scrotum, either on a human or some other mammal, nor many who don't have some other word (probably slang) for scrotum or testicles; they may as well learn the proper name for that particular anatomical feature, right? By not teaching children the correct names of their body parts, parents and teachers are doing an injustice and disservice to children and adolescents. Imagine having an injury to your scrotum, penis, labia, or clitoris and not having the language to describe what has happened. Even worse, imagine you are a ten year-old who is being sexually abused and only being able to express that "so-and-so keeps tickling my kitty" or "touching my worm" because those are the childish terms your prudish parents have given your vulva or penis. What if you were never told what your ear was called? Imagine getting an earache and having to explain what hurts, or in an act of late teen rebellion, requesting to have the deformed flower on your head pierced at Claire's Boutique.

I think you get the point.

The complete ridiculousness of this "controversy" illustrates how silly and afraid some people become at the mere mention of certain words and phrases and why sexuality education has gotten into such a horrible state. By the way, I am often shocked when I discover how many people do not know that we have a federal policy of abstinence-until-marriage sex education in the United States; these programs often only teach a message of abstinence without any explanation of sex, reproduction, or even anatomy. Not only are teachers not taught how to discuss sex and sexuality in schools, but they are even told that they cannot discuss such things and to do so may put their jobs at risk (on second thought, maybe those teachers and librarians aren't so insane to get upset about having to explain scrotum to fourth graders!). Back to how freaked out we get about some words...it's not our fault! Really! We are the products of a intense social reform movement lasting from the late 18th century to the early 20th century that focused on abstinence from not only sex, but alcohol and spicy food, as well. Sylvester Graham, a minister, and his predecessors, such as John Harvey Kellogg who was a medical doctor, promoted a "holistic" lifestyle that encouraged vegetarianism, bland diets, exercise, and refraining from sexual activity, particularly masturbation, which was thought to lead to insanity and death. Okay, a healthy diet, low in saturated fat and plenty of exercise were good ideas and even lead to the development of the fields of public health and social work that focus on helping individuals and society live healthier, safer, and longer lives. On the other hand, the social hygiene movement also emerged that promoted abstinence from all vices, including masturbation, prostitution, prurient thought, alcohol, and drugs (boring!). The Victorians went so far as to invent devices that prevented sexual encounters by blocking access to genitals and/or resulting in pain during sexual excitement; they even believed that prurient thought would occur by the mere mention that a woman had legs (those perverts!). Also around this time, another medical profession had gained in popularity, phrenology or the study of the bumps on one's head. Supposedly, these phrenologists could tell you about your personality weaknesses and strengths and prescribe a regimen for self-improvement - not surprisingly, this often included refraining from prurient thought and masturbation.

The phrenologist eventually lost credibility as empirical science proved there was no relationship between the bumps on a person's head and their personality traits. I know you're terribly shocked! Unfortunately, a great deal of the other stuff stuck around to make sure that we were either totally fucked up when it came to sex or that we hypersexualized everything that was supposed to keep us chaste - women's breasts and legs, chastity devices and restraints, etc. To this day, many in our culture still equate the mentioning of certain body parts with lusty, uncontrollable sexual acts. It's no wonder that some people can't handle explaining what a scrotum is to a fourth grader.

In future posts: more about the t-shirts and updates on their development, why are we so uncomfortable seeing same-sex couples show affection, my dad gets embarrassed when his dogs smell each other's butts, and other fun and exciting topics.